The Secret

Amongst my friends Bryna and I have one of the longer relationships.
Someone asked me what "The Secret" is to a long relationship. This is my answer:

"The secret? Hmmmm? I think part of what's worked for us is being pretty compatible to begin with. Similar religious beliefs, political beliefs, both of us are pretty okay with being poor and most importantly we both wanted a long term relationship and knew that we wanted it..

Other than that just lots of work. If we talk every week we get along good. If we skip a talk there's a much greater chance of not getting along.

Oh, and not talking. That's important too. If we start getting angry, take a break. Come back to it later. We have to be patient with that kind of stuff. Things will often look really different after calming down or even after a day or two. This parts hard for me as I tend to be in a hurry to find resolution but sometimes I just have to be patient and give it some time.

I had a couple of really tough relationships not work out when I was younger, including one girl I lived with and it was really hard to accept that it just wasn't going to work between me and this particular person regardless of what I did, so it's hard for me now to say that I have any secret. I have found things that have worked but mostly I just got really lucky and found Bryna. "

Bryna and I got up early on Saturday and put in a garden with the help of our neighbors. We live in a four-plex and it's cool when all the neighbors work together on something like this.

After gardening came bike shopping. We went to three different bike shops and then Bryna found the Electra "Amsterdam." It's a gorgeous bike and it's comfortable for her to ride, which is to say it doesn't beat up her back.

I got up at 7 on Sunday and went to the skate park with my buddy Paul. After that the farmers market with Bryna. And finally, back to the bike store. It was hard to convince Bryna to spend a bit of money on herself but she was at last persuaded. We bought the bike and after we went to Tres Hermanas with our friend Chris for salad and Sangria (I had a smoothie that I brought in and poured into a Sangria glass so I didn't look like an ass drinking something I didn't buy at the restaurant. But you see, I am an ass!) And all you moms out there, don't get on my back. It's okay to say ass. It's in the Bible.

That night we went to the drive-in and saw 28 Weeks Later. This movie is SCARY AS HELL! I highly recommend it. And the drive-in is rad. I know, I'm always hating on cars, but if they're good for one thing, it's the drive in. Especially for scary movies. Our local drive-in is in such bad repair which makes everything scarier.

Monday was a holiday so we got up early and hit the bike trail, passing through Old Sacramento, where the Jazz Festival was happening, on our way.

We had a great ride. Stopping halfway for a picnic lunch. We saw two cranes, a turtle and some wood ducks. Lots of other folks were out for the holiday so we saw plenty of people in funny bike riding clothes as well.

On our way home we stopped at Earl Grey Manor in Old Sac for tea. I had a great tea. Cardamom, licorice, mint, black pepper and yet surprising subtle.

Then back over the ugly but really cool R Street bridge that crosses the freeway and isn't open to cars.

Where we're at

We picked a place. It was a big compromise. I really wanted a wedding that would allow for an overnight camping wedding but we just couldn't find a campground that would accommodate the ceremony portion of that vision. So, we found a place that's nice, pretty and right here in Sacramento. And our first anniversary will be a crazy camping trip.

We picked month. We were going to do April and figured we'd do it during spring break so my nieces from Australia could come to the wedding without missing school. But Easter is in March next year, so that won't work, assuming that Spring Break and Easter go together there as here. Also April was VERY rainy this year, though May's seen some shower too. Oh well, the place we picked comes with an indoor rain option.

We'll pick a day. Honestly. We really wanted to do it this week, but our cars been in the shop and, um, other excuses. But before Next Friday we'll get up there and sign for a date, for real.

I chose a best man. My little brother James. Easy choice.

Fun things to look forward to. The Dress. Yeah, I love wedding dresses. Don't call it a fetish you. Behave, my mom reads this. And then choosing a caterer. Lots of food to sample. I'd rather let friends cater, trying to steer clear of at least some of the materialism of weddings, but I want our friends to enjoy the event and I want us to have as little to worry about as possible. Oh, and hiring a mariachi band should be fun. I think Bryna thinks I'm kidding. I'm so not. Mariachi band is a must for me.

Thanks Irina

Irina sent use these. Bryna looks great and I look like a total dork, so the pictures are pretty accurate.
I totally look like a frog here. Oh no, is she waiting for me to turn into a prince? Wow, she's sure heading for disappointment.
I love this shot of Bryna. Captures her particularly well. Thats the very definition of a wry smile yes? And the yellowish walls are funny because Bryna is deathly allergic to yellow.
Thanks for the pics Irina. Irina and Bob are two of our favorite people. And I'm not just kissing their buts so that Irina offers to do art for our wedding invitations or to get Bob to film the wedding I swear.

Pics From Lydia

Lydia (Bryna's littlest sister, who could out drink me when she was 13) sent me some pictures she took of Bryna and I that are very sweet.

Yeah, we're getting married

Many of you doubt it, I know.

After a ten year courtship we got engaged. I dropped down on one knee up on top of the Eifel Tower, well, the fake Eifel Tower anyway, the one in Vegas, but I did have a mustache so that makes it all too real right?

We were there thanks to my mom who sent us there for our anniversary. She knew what I was up to, as did our buddy Sid. Bryna hadn't a clue. So, I got down on one knee, popped open the jewelry box as I'd been practicing doing even as we walked down the strip (she didn't notice. I fidget a-lot normally.) and I said "Bryna Rachel Lovig will you marry me?"

And she got teary and smiley and said "Yes."

Then three years passed. Where the hell did those three years go? Just 'poof' gone. And you're all wondering if we were waiting another ten before getting married. We thought about it but no, we're ready now. Watch for an exact date within the next week. The wedding will be in May of 2008 and most likely it will be at Sierra II on 24th Street and 2nd avenue. I can walk from my house to there and maybe I'll do so when the big day comes. If there's no car for obnoxious groomsmen to decorate will they put shaving cream all over my suit and tie aluminum cans to my belt? Uh oh, I just planted an idea didn't I? Shudder.

So, I thought this here blog would be a fun place to post about the process of getting married and maybe we'll share some romantic stories of our courtship and some photos too.

I'll link the more relevant posts on the right as we set the Date, Post Directions and register for gifts like good little capitolists.

Let me real quickly thank my Mom for all the help she is given us so far and thank everyon else who I know will be helping us as well. We have such a great community of friends and family and we love you all, well, most of you! Okay, all of you.

PLEASE SEND ME ANY GOOD PHOTOS YOU HAVE OF US! And notice that you CAN leave comments on this here blog. Thanks.