Crazy

The economy is still unstable and there are days when I go to work and it is a challenge to find work to do. I get scared. At the same time my comedy career is making some big steps towards at least increasing my income in a substantial way even if it still seems miles from becoming a career.
And still, the baby keeps growing. Pig flu, and new wars, and the belly is a little bigger every day.
The world is always ending. As far back as mankind recorded it's thoughts it seemed to think that the end days were upon us, and the babies kept coming.
It is wild to think what this kid could see in it's life time. I think what has happened in mine, and I'm not that old!
We've had three ultrasounds now, we've seen the baby stretch and wave and do the robot. The baby seems to favor Bryna's right side, hanging out over there and making my dear wife lopsided.
We've had blood tests which have all come back showing a high likelihood of everything being just fine.
My cousin Isa is having her third, Isa's sister, my cousin Kara is pregnant with her first and the biggest news, my kid brother and his girlfriend are expecting as well, his first, her second.
My older three brothers have kids who are or are fast becoming adults so I'm surprised to find myself becoming a parent with so much company. Makes me feel like part of a factory churning out humans.
I really hope we can get into a house though that seems increasingly less likely, not impossible but less likely. Houses finally drop within my price range and for the first time in my life I'm in the building industry, dependent on house sales to have the money to buy damn house. Ouch. But we'll see.
I haven't written here in a while, there is just too much to write and I freeze up. I wish I could just write, WOW, YAY, MAGIC, MIRACLE, but the emotions are more complex than that and even in a situation like this where we knowingly and willingly entered into this adventure it's still a roller coaster ride of doubt and fear and hope and love and excitement.
Bryna is having a good second trimester for the most part. A craving for tater tots tonight sent me to Safeway where I rean into my old friend James and his girlfriend and there new baby.
Bryna has more of a sweet tooth than she's ever had.
We find out on June 1st if we're having a boy or a girl. Bryna is sure she saw a penis in one of the ultrasounds. I say if the blip she is pointing at is a penis than we're not having a boy, we're having a man. I'm pretty sure she just saw a blip.
I recorded a CD. The recording went GREAT. Waiting to see what happens with that.
I'm not really sure if my book will be published or not. The publisher is seeming wishy washy. Having their own economic ups and downs.
And my documentary is still s l o w l y making it's way through theatrical release, if you can call it that. It plays in a couple of weeks at the "Plea for Peace Center" in Stockton CA.
If one of these things could just take off, and bump my profile as a comic/writer/whatever it would be SO great.
I better go to bed now. I could probably keep writing all night. It's hot. Poor Bryna. She'll be the most pregnant through the hottest months.

And the big announcement is made

Hi world,
I've been posting a bit to this blog as it has become our baby blog, but I've been not publishing those posts until now as we had not, until now, been quite ready to let let the cat out of the bag. Yep, we're having us a baby.
That is how it works right? You get married and then the stork comes and it takes away all your condoms and birth control pills and then you have a baby.
This is a very planned baby. The only surprise is how quickly it happened but I probably already wrote about that. I can't remember.
Times is crazy.
More soon. :)

The Lalonie

We call our little humming bird baby "the lalonie" or maybe that is spelled "Lalogne."
We were at The Crest Christmas party and Loren and Candace had their little one there. She was so cute in her little dress and shiny shoes so I of course taught her to kick people out. She'd yell "Get Out! Go Home!" and it was hilarious. I told her to tell someone that they were full of bologna. She yelled, "You're The Lalonie." And a new phrase was born.
Going back to my early post for a minute, we confirmed yesterday that we have only one lalonie. Bryna and my mom were both sure we were going to get twins.

The Ultrasound

Today it is 9 weeks. We had our ultrasound yesterday. We're now telling all the siblings and select friends. We wanted to wait until we heard the heartbeat.
Best reaction so far, cousin Isa who flipped out "YAY, I KNEW IT, OH MY GOD, YAY!" We told her by webcam and I'm so glad I got to see her reaction. I only wish I'd thought to record it. Isa's husband, cousin Tim, was so very sweet and sent us his journal from their first pregnancy. I'm so not sweet that my first reaction to this very kind and loving gesture was "KRON!?! YOU WERE GONNA NAME YOUR BABY KRON?!"
I'm really happy that Isa and Tim are just two weeks ahead of us. They're a wonderful resource and two of my favorite people in the world.

We were really nervous going into the ultrasound. Nervous because something could be wrong, and really, we both FELT pregnant when we got the news but we haven't really felt it this past week, at least partially because Bryna's morning sickness, which had never been considerate enough to confine itself to the morning, had subsided.
We got in there, and we saw the baby. We saw it's little heart beat, and the yolk sack floating above. And IT WAVED ITS LITTLE ARM BUD! That was wild. Then we heard the fast little heartbeat. 162 beats a minute. Everything looks right so far and now it feels more real than ever. We're having a baby! Well, we're having a humming bird, but eventually it will be a lizard and then a puppy and then a monkey and then A BABY!

We're showing off our grainy, gray pictures. Loads of fun. Now to get our crap together and buy a house.

pregnant

I have a secret.
Chad said "Don't tell people that you're trying to get pregnant because it will probably take a long time and become stressful." so we didn't. It didn't take long at all, which is really to bad because the trying part is fun.
But, here we are a month after we began making an earnest effort and the test is positive, we are on our way.
Trying to keep in a good place in case the pregnancy doesn't take, which does happen, but can't help getting a bit excited.
Day before yesterday the test gave us a faint line, and the same a few days before that. Then yesterday the digital test said the word "pregnant." Just as Bryna was going to tell me that it would take three minutes, up it popped, that word "pregnant." We went to the doctor yesterday evening and their test confirmed it.
So, we are on our way.
Kind of nervous. The global economic crash, the environment crisis, etc. and the fact that we're 36. The kid will hit 19 when we're 54. That seems a bit up in years. I hope I live a good long time.
Now we have 9 months to get a house. I really want to be in a house. I can't imagine having a baby in our one bedroom apt.
We'll probably wait until week 12 to tell people. I just got a shiver thinking about it.

I didn't know how to feel yesterday, just in shock. Then I went and got a cup of coffee and I stepped outside into a cold downtown and took a sip and the coffee tasted SO GOOD! All my best cups of coffee have been sipped during times when I felt most acutely alive. That is what I feel now, acutely alive. I feel real.

And baby makes three

We're working on having a baby.
We first had sex without contraception of any kind on December 2nd.

We've thrown around baby names we like.
I'll put up a list of those in a bit.

My favorite quote from this adventure so far:

"Is that your pee?"
"Yes."
"Ooh, don't walk around with your pee!"

It is very unlikely that Bryna is pregnant yet. But she could be. And that is such a strange feeling.
She is doing a pregnancy test as I type. She doesn't know what I'm typing. She is mostly just doing it to get used to doing it. She also has some ovulation tests that help figure out when the ovulation is happening.

We've been together for 15 years. We've been very careful. We're stable and mature (comparatively) and yet it still feels reckless. There is an economic crash, they're predicting a bad depression, the environment is in bad shape and holy wars continue to break out, yet still we're doing this. They say there is never a perfect time and you'll always find a reason to wait, but it really feels like the universe ganged up to drive the point home with us. :)

More on this subject later. For now it will suffice to say, we have thought about it, talked about and we are comfortable bringing one person into this world and do our best to raise a person that will add to value of the world rather than detract. This person will be VERY VERY VERY LOVED and will always know it. We have more specific plans for parenting but that is the core. :)

State Fair Fun

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm the worst wedding/married life blog updater ever.
I will eventually get wedding pics up, for real. But for now, here are some cute pics from our trip to the CA State Fair this weekend where we kissed atop the ferris wheel, saw baby goats and pigs, rode the log ride and ate things that living creatures were not meant to eat, delicious, evil things.
My favorite part was the hour and a half it took to find parking and then get shuttled via school bus from the parking lot to the front gate of the fair. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee